It can all be practiced.

We don’t all play sports but we can all learn from people that do. Most important is how they approach practice.

No matter what sport you play, practice has the same goal. You need to enact that parts of a real competition in a controlled, safe environment. That way your mind and body can plan out what you will do during the real competition.

It is constant repetition, usually at a low speed and a laser focus on technique. This is chess, soccer, volleyball, football, boxing, all of it. They practice for thousands of hours more than they will ever spend using it.

Most of the professionals in every sport sucked when they started and they set out to intentionally change that, by changing their behavior. On purpose. They don't just practice physically, most of the good ones and all of the great ones practice in their minds. Constantly planning what to do in different scenarios, what to anticipate, what's the actual goal.

Outside sports, that approach hits at least two roadblocks:

First, we don’t see our behavior in real-life as a skill; it's just personality. So being intentional about it and practicing it feels wierd. "That's just not me." Right, that's the point. It is highly unlikely that you were born with all the ideas and raised with all the behaviors neccessary to be your best at age 25, 30, or 40, or 50. But I doubt it. As you decide what qualities you most value in other people, you have the opportunity to develop them in your life.

Secondly, it feels really awkward. For example, getting better at listening is weird. You are so used to paying attention to the story so you can scan your memory for a similar story to tell. Not the details, just the broad strokes, so then, "wow, I did something just like that...". Changing that habit means standing in front of another human, listening to them and telling your brain to shut up for a minute, WHILE focusing on the story enough that you can ask at least one question. Maybe even two, god help us.

That is a really awkward thing to do...the first 5 or 10 or 12 times. But then, without fail, you find yourself naturally more curious about other people. And you get better at conversation. All because you practiced.

There are a thousand examples like this,but I am not here to convince you of what you should be doing. If you’re finding real contentment, you’ve hit the jackpot.

However, if you find that your intentions don’t survive contact with reality; you can do something about that. It starts with accepting behavior as a skill and getting about the work of changing it.  

What you practice while you’re calm is how you’ll act when it matters.